There’s a potato chip in my bra, and other confessions of a messy eater

I felt the crumb from my crinkle-cut kettle chip fall down my blouse. I stared into the dark space between torso and shirt.

That salt-and-pepper chip was lost. Only an act of untucking and reaching under my shirt was going get the morsel out.

But I wasn’t finished with my lunch.

So I stayed at my chair in the breakroom and ate the rest of the chips, along with a turkey sandwich and a Coke Zero.

It wasn’t my proudest moment, letting a lost crumb lie in wait until I finished my meal. Going to the ladies’ room to get up close and personal in my underthings dampens the lunch hour.

That’s just the type of eater I am — messy, yet determined to finish a meal.

Other lowlights include (but are not limited to):

  • I once saw a mouse in the house while I was eating lunch. Naturally, I jumped on the bed to wake up my husband and screamed — all while I held my Aldi-brand Hot Pocket. The Mister became Mouse Hunter while I stood on an armchair and ate my Southwest Bean and Corn pocket. I also paused to grab some chips during the  commotion.
  • Taking 15 minutes to attempt to covertly eat an orange at my desk. Did I mention my oranges always have at least a dozen seeds? The cleaning folks should just replace my recycling bin with a spittoon.
  • There are crumbs on my face, a stain on my shirt or something green in my teeth approximately 87 percent of the time.

I love to get elbow-deep in food and enjoy the experience of eating a meal. Why waste time on trying to be dainty when there’s a world full of potato chips that need munching?


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